While some couples have reached their wits end with their partner and are ready to file for divorce, others are wondering what they can do to avoid having to file. The truth is, many individuals put a lot into their marriage and aren’t exactly willing to just walk away from all the time, money, and effort invested into it. So, what can a person do that isn’t willing to let go of their marriage just yet and wishes to avoid divorce?
Psychology Today offers a few suggestions, some of which we are sharing with you below. These tips come from Susan Heiltler, Ph.D., a Harvard and NYU graduate and therapist who works with couples who are on the verge of divorcing. Here are some strong steps Heitler believes may help turn your partner’s attitude toward your marriage in a different direction which might potentially help save it.
- Avoid playing the victim card. Many husbands and wives who have been hit with the four tragic words, “I want a divorce,” generally turn over the victim card and begin playing it. But, rather than tell your spouse “How could you do this to me?”, “remind yourself of the positive qualities you bring to a marriage and figure out how to show them in full colors.” Try expressing your affection and sharing your gratitude the all the positive things your spouse has done thus far.
- Recall the negative comments made. When your spouse announced they wanted to separate, move out, etc., Heitler suggests you write down all the negative comments that led up to them wanting to leave. She says that this isn’t a time to grovel or play the victim, rather a time to identify what complaints and/or criticisms your spouse has. Once you identify what is making your spouse so unhappy, create a plan of action that will address each item on the list.
- Look your best. Not only can changing your appearance make you feel better, but it may also catch your spouse’s attention. Heitler says you should consider changing your hairstyle, modifying your choice in clothes, etc.
- Learn the skills that are essential for sustaining a loving relationship. These include:
- Talk together cooperatively. Communication is key in any successful relationship so if you feel yours was lacking this component, try and incorporate it now.
- Make win-win decisions together.
- Don’t let anger interfere with your relationship.
- Increase the level of positivity in your marriage. Whether you do this by reading self-help books or visiting a counselor, you need to be doing positive things that are geared toward making your relationship a better one.
To read more strategies you can implement that may help repair your marriage, visit Psychology Today.
If your spouse is adamant about filing for divorce, you need to be sure you protect yourself and hire a Poughkeepsie, NY divorce attorney.
Now, if you have exhausted all options and your spouse is still wanting to file for divorce, the next thing you want to do is protect your interests. How do you do that? By hiring a New York divorce lawyer. Poughkeepsie, NY divorce and family law attorney Danielle Fenichel is qualified to provide you with the advice you will need and can help you settle any issues that may arise in the divorce process.
If you would like to get a free consultation scheduled with The Law Offices of Danielle Fenichel, call 845-867-2840 today.
You can also reach The Law Offices of Danielle Fenichel at:
40 Garden Street, 5thFloor
Poughkeepsie, NY 12601